Neil Gaiman says:

Neil Gaiman says:
pic by Allan Amato

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

The Road to Hell is paved with unbought stuffed dogs

Thank Ernest Hemingway for another jewel! The road to Hell is also probably paved with reams of miscellaneous unsorted ITS cards, which I would inevitably have to sort. I began my new life in a different department to which I had been transferred, yesterday. The "Rite of Passage" in the new area in which I find myself, is to sort International Travel Cards by hand, sitting basically in a hallway, with CFRA & Lowell Green blaring at you for 7.5 hours a day.

Hell indeed!

If Data Capture is the equivalent to Dante's Limbo, then sorting ITS cards is definitely on the edge of Hell; possibly in the 1/2 level between Pergatory and level 1. Maybe.. At least I can listen to my MP3 player, sip coffee, nibble on apples and fibre muffins and let my mind wander into happier pursuits. Like how to escape!

Thankfully, I think the Half-Acrage of Hell should end by next Monday. I was told that I would be back at keying by then, instead of sorting cards. I think that the sorting part of the job is to make you inordinately thankful when you finally get transferred back to keying. I mean, keying HRSDC is mind-numbing, repetitive, painful etc etc.. Catherine L. refuses to do overtime if it involves this (to give you an idea of how unappealing it is!) So, I figure by the time 5 days of sorting goes by, you are so desperate, bored, hopeless and depressed that the thought of keying HRSDC becomes instantly appealing (& even exciting. Good Lord!)

But, it must be all a mind f*ck.

I was going to go to bed, but I think I'll rant instead.

Two weeks ago, I was doing overtime for HRSDC because they are really behind. I've been keying this crap forever, and it is not a brand new thing for me. Now, if you had someone transferred into your department, who not only had keyed plenty of HRSDC but did it accurately and well.. AND you were really really REALLy behind...would you.. stick them in a hallway sorting ITS cards?

Or.. would you get them to the nearest computer, do-not-pass-Go, and get them keying your already overdue work?

Oh, and regarding overtime: Basically, because I'm "new" to the department, I'm not allowed keying HRSDC as overtime. Even though last week I was doing 3 hours of it after my regular shift each night. So, instead of getting back to Kanata at 7:15pm after 11 hours of work, in the dark, I got to come home early this week. Instead of crippling myself typing, I went to the gym, began reading Neil Gaiman's "Anansi Boys", baked muffins, cooked fish, made a whole wheat pasta dish, drew new art, inked & coloured things on the computer.....

Ok ok, I enjoyed my little bit of extra time.

But does all this make a lick of sense to anyone? It's nuts. It's Government, mostly it is my bizarre division (OID) at Stats which has some pretty crazy ideas about How To Teach Discipline To The Zombie Work Force.

I'm not even going to start IN on Lowell Green. Except that I might send him an off-colour drawing of several dyke feminists showing him what fists are really for :-) Nahh, probably too high-brow for the right-wing, redneck, troglodyte. I was going to call CFRA C--cks--king, F--king, Rectal, A--hole Radio.. but then I thought I might offend some of my gay friends. So, I'll just be sure to ram my MP3's headphones firmly in my ears before Theresa cranks Lowell and drives me to impromptu suicide via unsorted ITS card paper-cuts.


Ooh, and I get to do more of it tomorrow!! WHhheeeheeeeeee!


Troy Little said...

Lowell.... How I loath the man.

You have my sympathy.

Rob A. said...

I am pretty sure that Mr. Green IS a devil. Sent here to drive unsuspecting soles to the brink of murder and beyond

Colleen said...

7.5 hours of Lowell? Who wouldn't love that?*joking*
You poor girl! Hang in there, things will get better soon.:)

Eifriger said...

Thanks guys.. The only reason I was listening to it was cause they'd been playing some Rita MacNeil music earlier.. then Lowell came on and it was all Right Wing Bull Sh*t to the point where I could literaly feel my blood beginning to surge and boil in my poor over-taxed veins. I quickly put on my headphones and slid around between the CBC and CKCU. Today the CBC played "Chainsaw Earl" AND "Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw." YAyy :-)

Anonymous said...

Have you considered that perhaps Lowell Green is just playing you guys, for the publicity. He's the right-wing, redneck host you all love to hate. And the politically incorrect have their spokesperson, so they're happy.

His book 'How the granola crunching, tree hugging, thug crunchers are wrecking our country! - (If this book doesn’t get your blood boiling you may need a transfusion!)' is a Canadian bestseller. And why wouldn't it be with a tagline like that. Does have its humour, if you can see through it.

Have you seen this blog - 'Kill Everything - Is Lowell Green a prostitute?' Excellent post and comments. Here is a bit:

Andrew seemed to think Lowell was an ideologue -- that Lowell genuinely believes in what he says on the radio. That he could just casually, mockingly write what he did... it struck Andrew as bizarre. Did Lowell really believe the things he said?

"I feel like I've lost a villain," Andrew complained, "and that's far worse than just losing a friend."

Doc Savageland said...

Anyone who will distort the facts, lie, and spout hatful remarks just to get ratings has no place in a civilized society. The fact that so many people listen to his broadcasts, merely point out how uncivilized certain parts of our society are. And I mean that in the most insulting way possible.

Anonymous said...

Then you must really hate the antisemitic and misogynist Borat.

Never heard Lowell, but if I did, I really wouldn't be taking anything he said so seriously. Besides, there are so many more worthwhile issues in life to be concerned about.

Eifriger said...

I think what got me was that it not only was Lowell, but a friggin' call-in where addle-headed morons could call in and voice their support for his vitriolic clap-trap; "Yaww I think womahn should stayuh in the hawse and have lotsah baybies... We gottuh outnumbarr them Immagrants.. them Feminists (unspoken meaning: Lesbians) ahr roouinin the Cahntry. encouragin womahn ta have carreers..." and so on. I was just floored that the lady at work who had CFRA cranked was a visible minority (both female & East Indian.) I wonder if she actually listens to it or is it just background noise that cuts through the sound of the scanner?

Anonymous said...

you know, you can ALWAYS as Theresa to turn the station. Shed be more then happy to. Its just background noise im sure. I dont think she cares what green has to say or anything. Try it. ask her to change it. im sure she will. Just tell her its giving you a headache!


Eifriger said...

Thanks Nhoj, it's cool; I'm sure Theresa wouldn't mind, but it's fine really. It has faded to a dim memory of last week. I'll just listen to my mp3 player.. and hopefully will be moved to my new office soon. We'll see :-)

Anonymous said...

oh my god you're hilarious!