Well, what next

It's been a blurred flurry of activity, stress, stark terror, excitement, madness. Never, ever wish for "change", especially if you're happy and warm in your own particular pile of sh*t! Cause sometimes you get what you wish for. Good Lord, never anticipated the whirl and speed with which this project is thrusting. All tentacles, no head. If that makes any kind've Chthulian sense.

We had another day of training, going through a stack of documents that only served to confuse me even more. People who had been out in the field collecting Census from lost souls that hadn't yet been "got" told their stories. I felt the mad fear running through my veins, as I envisaged my own trial of fire in the field that coming evening. Flight/Fight panic pounding in my blood..and the irony is that I had chosen this. But why? I hate having to knock on doors, interract with people--what the hell came over me? And now I'm just rolling along in this pulsing ball of wax going "What do I DO? What do I DO??"

After training, I had a modest supper at the Cottage; the very place I'd had my first beer with Leah, wayy back in the Fall (seems like a lifetime ago!) Spicy quesadilla, rice and a cold Steamwhistle to wash it all down. Did more Decode sketches for the "Ivy & Dummy" promo project, that helped keep my mind from jabbering and gibbering. Helped keep me from running to the car and skiving off from the field experience.

Got back to Stats early and NW, the Chief of Survey Operations Division was there. I connected better with her today, I think. There were 9 of us in total, with our crew Supervisor Eric. We carpooled to the first place (because after, we were to try and do field work downtown at the condo where the old Daly bldg used to be on 700 Sussex. Yes, the same condo where Alanis Morissette lives! ooh!)

My hands were shaking, and I couldn't breathe. I tried to stay cool and calm, my cultish-alien silver satchel on my hip. This swell girl, Xi-yun was amazing; she knocked on doors and rattled off the spiel without a pause for breath and while the people blinked in amazement, shoved a 2A form their way, along with a pen. I tagged after her, trying to learn by osmosis the procedure, and get a little courage to rub off on me as well!

When we'd finished with our first bldg, we headed for the Market. It vaguely reminded me of my 2nd class of Driver's Ed, when our instructor took us to the Market on a Saturday morning. All the feelings were the same: fear, woeful unpreparedness, more fear, oh yes and the knowledge that no matter what came pass, you were liable to fuck it up somehow. And the fear.

I shouldn't have worried though, because after hoofing it for close to 3 1/2 hours, all over the Market, up Sussex, down Clarence, up Dalhousie, down George and across to York... 90% of the places we tried to get into were barred to us. Either people slammed their phones down when we tried to call to get buzzed in, or security dudes had no clue as to protocol for our non-guest, non-tenant status, or places were simply locked with a blank keypad to which we had no cypher or key to access. The excersize served to rub out the fear, like an emotional brillo-pad on over-wrought, rusty nerves. By the time we were clustered on Dalhousie, like a lost tour group, all I wanted was to get home Home HOME.

Thankfully, the lady who'd carpooled us there was in the same frame of mind, and (eventually) homeward we sped.

Rumours abound! Two of my friends take their first tour tomorrow, and are flying out to either Fort McMurray or Grande Prairie AB. As far as I know, I am probably on Monday's list...but I have no idea where I'm going. Could be AB, could be Montreal, could be Toronto, heck maybe even Ottawa/Gatineau or Kingston. It's good to be in the loop, eh?

More news as I get it! Now, to prepare, clean, shop, pack, read, phone, organize... ACK Pfffblblpbpttt! (As Bill the Cat would say.)